Thursday, August 03, 2006

Jayce phoned me again today to tell me that he was going on a last minute business trip to Japan tomorrow and would be away for up to two weeks.

“I really want to see you again before I go so I can say goodbye properly” he told me.

I am refusing to go and see him as I don’t want to look like I am at his beck and call. I think in this situation it is best to remind him now and again that he is just one part of my life, and not my whole world.

The thing is with Jayce and his business trips, is that I am never quite sure if he is telling the truth. As I know very little of the industry he works in, I am not sure how likely it is that he would be sent to Japan ‘last minute’.

I know that he is an adept liar and regularly lies to at least one other woman on a regular basis. How am I to know that he tells me the truth the whole time?

He has before asked me to join him on these trips and so far, I have always refused. Even though ours is not what you would call a ‘real’ relationship, I still feel that six months is way too early to be considering spending so much time together.

I mean, surely when he realizes that I have to poo and that my pits aren’t naturally silky smooth, the magic will be gone.

I often wonder how his wife feels about his business trips, if she imagines that they are just a cover for a week or two of elicit sun and sex? I am as much in the dark as she is, as I said before, I have never been.

The thought of competing with his other girlfriends is very different to the idea of competing with his wife. I mean, I do not see myself as competition with her; we inhabit very different worlds and I imagine the man we share to be very different in each scenario.

But another girlfriend, that’s different. If he feels the need to see other women aside from myself, it means that despite the drama and excitement, I am not giving him 100% what he wants.

If there is another girlfriend, would she be thinner than me? Would she be taller? A brunette? Better in bed?

I don’t kid myself that he doesn’t have sex with his wife. Why wouldn’t he? It’s there on a plate! But I imagine that the sex they have is slow, lazy, familiar sex, the kind where you have known one and other for years and have slipped into a comfortable sexual routine. Whilst we have real passion as we have to treat each time like it is our last as we never know when all this will end. There is not enough time to get comfortable or lazy.

Whenever I have jokingly raised the subject (such as when he has cancelled on me at short notice and I have asked if he has had a better offer), he has always laughed and assured me that he is not like that.

“I am an honest person” he said without a trace of irony. “I would tell you if there was anything you needed to know”.

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