Went to a house party of a well known ex-boy bander last night.

He played all his old ‘hit’ songs and sang them in my face, loudly, eyes wide open in rapture, looking directly into mine to make sure I was listening. All the while I sat on his sofa clutching a glass of warm white wine from a box, willing a vortex to open beneath me and suck me in.

He then snorted a line of coke from (who I can only imagine was a) prostitutes stomach.

Needless to say, I left early.